最经典的满分作文赏析 14页

162Somefamousathletesandentertainersearnmillionsofdollarseveryyear.Doyouthinkthesepeopledeservesuchhighsalaries?Usespecificreasonsandexamplestosupportyouropinion.Nowadays,theannualincomesofmanysportsstarsandfilmstarscometomillionsofdollars.Somepeopleclaimthattheirsalariesaretoohigh.Yet,inmyopinion,suchsalariesarewelldeserved.Theyworkhardto becomefamous,provideentertainmentforus,andwinhonorsfortheircountries.(50)First,famousathletesandentertainersmakepainstakingeffortstoachievefame.Fameisawonderfulthingtohave,butitseldomappearsovernight.Famouspeoplehaveworkedhardforyearstoachievetheirfametodayandtheyhavetocontinuetotheirgoodworktomaintainit.Fortheirhardwork,sportsandentertainingstars deservetobegenerouslyrewarded.Unfortunately,peopletendtofocusonthehugeamountsofmoneymadebythem.Theyrarelyappreciatetheeffortsthatathletesandentertainershavetomakeinordertoachievethefametheyhavetoday.Forexample,inordertowinthefirstplaceina100-metredash,anathletehastocoverhundredsofmilesduringtraining.Famousstarsdeservetheirhighsalariesbecausetheyhaveworkedhard.(129) Second,sportsandentertainingstarsprovideuswithgoodentertainment.Onweekends,manyofusattendafootballmatchthatincludesBeckham,seeamoviethatstarsJuliaRoberts,orgotoaconcertthatfeaturesCelineDion.Thesepeoplehelpusmakegooduseofourfreetimebyentertainingus.Asaresult,wefeelinspiredaswellasrelaxed.Inotherwords,wefeelenergeticagainafterattendingtheevents.Weeven feelthatwehavemoretoenjoyinlifeandhavenewaspirations.Forsuchreasons,thesepeopleareworththeirhighsalaries.(98)Third,athletesandentertainerswinhonorsfortheircountries.Forexample,afterfouryears’hardwork,manyathleteswingoldmedalsattheOlympicsGames.Theyareabletomakemillionsofdollarsayearafterthegames.Suchhighsalariesarejustified,becausethese athleteshavewonhonorsfortheircountriesinthemostcompetitivearenaandhavemadetheirpeopleproud,somethingfewpeoplecanevendreamof.Thisistrueforentertainersaswell.ManyactorsandactressesreceivehighsalariesaftertheyhavewonOscarsorprizesatCannesFilmFestival.Thesepeoplealsodeservehighsalaries,becausetheyhavemadeanameinfilmsfortheircountryandhavemadetheircountrybetterknownby peopleelsewhereintheworld.(125)Allinall,famousathletesandentertainersmerittheirhighsalaries,fortheirhardwork,entertainmenttheyprovide,andtheircontributiontotheircountry.IfIhadachance,Iwouldbeafamousstarwhocanmakemillionsofdollarsayear.(43)(475)1.总体分析: 观点展开文章扣题紧密，首段明确表态，主体段都有明确的主题句，主题句后都给出了恰当的例子和解释。组织结构经典五段式，结构清晰，体现了统一、递进和连贯。语言运用选词恰当，词汇多变；句型丰富，且有一定复杂度，句子长短交替（第四段尤其明显），长度合理（共475词，27句话，平均每句话17.6个词）。 2.文章结构：首段：使用了“漏斗鱼钩”。第一句介绍背景，第二话介绍别人观点，过渡到题目话题，第三句话表明作者观点，第四句话预示下文内容。主体段：主题句+例子和解释末段：衔接词+复述本文主题+简明总结主要论点+作者的期待3.语言积累：3(1).精华词汇和短语 中文大意文中表达明星sportsstarsandfilmstarsathletesandentertainersfamouspeoplesportsandentertainingstarsfamousstarsactorsandactresses薪水（高薪）highsalariesarewell-deserveddeservetobegenerouslyrewardedareworththeirhigh salarieshighsalariesarejustifiedmerittheirhighsalaries成名becomefamousachievefamemakeanamemaketheircountrybetterknownbeafamousstar提供娱乐provideentertainmentbyentertainingus 为国争光winhonorsmaketheirpeopleproudcontribution努力workhardmakepainstakingefforts感到振奋feelinspiredaswellasrelaxedfeelenergetichavenewaspirations 3(2).亮点句型：句型1：Onweekends,manyofusattendafootballmatchthatincludesBeckham,seeamoviethatstarsJuliaRoberts,orgotoaconcertthatfeaturesCelineDion.点评：注意平行结构的使用。这样有美感的句型写起来虽然很难，但是至少是努力的方向。文中类似的平行结构：Theyworkhardtobecomefamous,provideentertainmentforus,andwinhonorsfortheircountries. 句型2：Suchhighsalariesarejustified,becausetheseathleteshavewonhonorsfortheircountriesinthemostcompetitivearenaandhavemadetheirpeopleproud,somethingfewpeoplecanevendreamof.点评：主要是注意划线部分同位结构的使用。