GRE-issue满分作文分析 9页

第一篇文章"Boththedevelopmentoftechnologicaltoolsandtheusestowhichhumanityhasputthemhavecreatedmoderncivilizationsinwhichlonelinessiseverincreasing."Technology,broadlydefinedastheuseoftools,hasalonghistory.EversinceErgthecavemanfirstconkedananimalwitharock,peoplehavebeenusingtechnology.Forthousandsofyears,theuseoftoolsallowedpeopletomoveeverclosertogether.Becausefieldscouldbecultivatedandthetechnologytostorefoodexisted,peoplewouldliveincitiesratherthaninsmallnomadictribes.OnlyverylatelyhaveErg"sdescendantscometoquestionthebenefitsoftechnology.TheIndustrialRevolutionintroducedandspreadtechnologiesthatmechanizedmanytasks.Asaresultofthedrivetowardmoreefficientproductionanddistribution(sotheeverlargercitieswouldbesupported),peoplebegantoactascogsinthetechnologicalmachine.Clothingwasnolongerproducedbygroupsofwomensewingandgossipingtogether,butbydown-troddenautomation"soperatingmachineryingrimfactories.Thebenefitsofthenewtechnologyoftoday,computersandtheinternet,areparticularlyambiguous.Theyhavemadeworkevermoreefficientandknittheworldtogetherinawebofinformationandphonelines.SomevisionariesspeakofaworldinwhichErgneednotcheckintohisoffice;hecanjustdialinfromhome.Hewon"tneedtogotoabartopickupwomenbecausethereareallthosechatrooms.Hungry?Ergordershisgroceriesfromanonlinedeliveryservice.Bored?Downloadanewgame.Andyet...Manypeople,myselfincluded,arealittlequeasyaboutthatvision.Ergmaybedoingwork,butisitrealwork?Arehisonlinefriendsrealfriends?Doesanythingcountinaspiritualwayifit"sjustdigital?SincetheIndustrialRevolution,wehavebeenhauntedbytheprospectthatweareturningintoourmachines:efficient,productive,soulless.Thenewesttechnologies,wefear,aremakingusflatasourscreens,turningusintostreamsofbitsofinterchangeabledata.Wemayknowalotofpeople,butwehavefewrealfriends.Wehavealotofthingstodo,butnoreasontodothem.Inshort,thenewtechnologyemphasizesaspiritualcrisisthathasbeenbuildingforquitesometime.AsItrytounravelwhichIbelieveabouttherelativemeritsoftechnology,Ithinkitisinstructivetoremembertechnology"soriginalresult.Abetterplowmeanteasierfarming,morefood,longerlives,andmorefreetimetopursueotherthingssuchasart.Ournewesttechnologydoesnotgiveusmorefreetime;itconsumesourfreetime.Weareterminallydistractedfromconfrontingourselvesoreachother.Westaysafe,andlonely,inourhomesandofficesratherthantakingtheriskofmeetingrealpeopleortryingnewthings.WhileIamcertainlynotaLuddite,Idobelieveweneedtolookforabitmorebalancebetweentechnologyandlife.Wehavetotearourselvesawayfromthefataldistractionsandgooutintotheworld.Technologyhasgivenuslonglivesandendlesssuppliesofinformation.Nowweneedtoapplythatinformation,usethetimewe"renotspendingconkingourdinnerwithaclub,andfindourreasonsforliving.COMMENTARYThisoutstandingresponsedisplayscogentreasoning,insightful,persuasiveanalysis,andsuperiorcontroloflanguage.Theessayimmediatelyidentifiesthecomplexitiesoftheissueandthenplayfullyexploresboththebenefitsand thedrawbacksoftechnologicaldevelopmentsoverthecourseofhumanhistory.Thewritermaintainsthata"balancebetweentechnologyandlife"isnecessaryifhumansaregoingtoabatethelonelinessthatispartofmodernexistence.第二篇文章"Themedias(books,film,music,television,forexample)tendtocreateratherthanreflectthevaluesofasociety."Forourgrandparentsitoccurredthroughfilmsandbooks.Forthebabyboomersitwasaresultoftelevisionandrevolutionarymusic.Nomatterhowtheimpacttookplace,itisclearthatsinceitsveryadvent,themediahaveplayedacrucialroleinnotsimplybeingrepresentativeofthevaluesofoursocietybutcreatingthemaswell.DuringtheroaringtwentiesAmericansfoundthemselvesinastrugglebetweentheoldwaysoftheirancestorsandthenewwaysofthefuture.Theoncesteadfastbeliefsthatmenandwomenshouldnottouchwhiledancing,andthatladiesshouldnotdrinkorsmokeweresuddenlybeingchallenged.Fromwherewasallthisrebellionstemming?PartlyitwasduetothereturningdoughboysfromtheshoresofEuropebringinghomerevolutionaryideastheyhadencounteredwhileatwar.Nonetheless,returningsoldierscouldnotbeheldresponsibleforthesocialupheavalthatAmericaexperienced.Therehadtobeanothercause,andtherewas,themedia.Althoughthefilmsoftheeraweresilenttheyspokevolumestothesocietyforwhichtheywerecreated.Womeninthesemoviesworetheirhemlinesafewinchesshorterthanthedecadebeforethemandtheyworecosmeticstoaccentuatetheirnewbobbedhaircuts.Themovies,aswellasthebooksofthatera,demonstratedanewmaterialisticattitudethatAmericahadneverbeforeexperienced.Filmsportrayedeverycharacterashavingthemoneytobuyanewcar,drink,smokeandpartakeintheleisure’soflife,aphilosophythatwassoonadoptedbytheyouthofthedecade.Theuseofthemediainthetwentieswastoserveasacatalystfortherevolutionaryideasthatwerecirculating.ThefilmsandbooksofthateraspedAmericaalongitspathofchangethateventuallyledtothegreatestsocialunrestthattheUnitedStateshadeverknown.Unlikethetwenties,thesixtiesandseventiesutilizedthemediainawaythatappealedtothosesearchingfortruthinalostandconfusedworld.MartinLutherKingJr.realizedtheimpactofthemediaonsocietyduringhiscampaignforcivilrights.Kingurgedhisfollowerstowithstandanyabusethattheymightencounterbecausethemediawilltaketheirpeacefulnessintothehomesoftheirsociety.Bydoingso,Kingsuccessfullybegantochangethetraditionalviewofrace.Americansbegantosympathizewiththeprotestersbecauseoftheundeservedturmoiltheyfacedatthehandsofthegovernment.Asaresult,AmericarelinquishedtheJimCrowlawsandsawmanyothergroupspressfortheirindividualrightsaswell.TelevisioncamerasrolledasCesarChavezorganizedthemigrantworkersinCaliforniaandasBellaAbzugandGloriaSteinhamlinkedarmstoprotestthelackofwomen"srights.Whilethemediahelpedtoshapesomeattitudesaboutracismandgenderitalsohelpedtouncoverthetruth behindgovernmentlies.第三篇文章"Ourdecliningenvironmentmaybringthepeopleoftheworldtogetherasnopolitician,philosopher,orwarevercould.Environmentalproblemsareglobalinscopeandrespectnonation"sboundaries.Therefore,peoplearefacedwiththechoiceofunityandcooperationontheonehandordisunityandacommontragedyontheother."Thesolutiontotheworld"sgrowingenvironmentalproblemsmayhavetowaitawhile.Ithasbeensaidthat"environmentalproblemsareglobalandrespectnonation"sboundaries."Unfortunately,pollutionanditsconsequencesstillfalltolargemeasureonthoseleastlikelytodoanythingaboutit:poorcountrieswillingtosacrificeanythinginordertositatthetablewiththeworld"swealthy.Asfarastheindustrializednationsoftheworldareconcerned,theworldisabigplace.Environmentaldestructiontakingplaceoutsidetheirbordersmaysometimesbefodderforgovernmentpronouncementsofconcern,butfewconcreteactions.DeforestationoftheAmazon,forinstance,isofvitalconcerntoallthosewhowishtocontinuebreathing.Buttheonlyeffectivedeterrenttothisactivity,therestrictionofinternationalaidmoneytothosecountriesshowingnetdeforestation,hasbeenstalledintheUnitedNationsbythoseunwillingto"interfere"intheinternalpoliticsofothernations.Becauseofthedifferentialimpactofpollutingactivitiesaroundtheworld,andevenindifferentregionsofasinglecountry,manygovernmentswillundoubtedlycontinuetopromulgateonlymodestenvironmentalregulations.Coststopollutingcompanieswillcontinuetocarryasmuchweightasthebenefitofapollution-freeenvironment.ParticularlyinthecurrentpoliticalclimateoftheUnitedStates,thewell-documentedexpenseoftoday"spollution-controlmeasureswillbestackedagainsttheunknownlong-termeffectsofpollutingactitivities."WhyshouldIspendmillionsofdollarsayear,whichcausesmetohavetoraisethecostofmygoodsoreliminatejobs,ifnoonereallyknowsifairpollutionisallthatharmful?Showmetheproof,"anairpollutingcompanymaydemand.Realistically,itwon"tbeuntilcriticalmassisachievedthatthehopedfor"choiceofunityandcooperation"willbeaviableone.Onlywhentheearthasawholeissopollutedthatlifeitselfbecomesincreasinglydifficultforamajorityoftheworld"speoplewilltherelikelybethepoliticalwilltoforceglobalenvironmentallawsongovernmentsworldwide.Buttheoptimists(read:environmentalactivists)amonguscontinuetobelievethattheworldcanbeshowntheerrorofitsways.Theycontinuetopointoutthattheskyisprobablyfalling--oratleastdevelopingabighole.Theworld,asawhole,ignoresthem.Onewouldhope,however,thatgovernments,perhaps throughastrengthenedU.N.,couldsomehowbeforcedtorealizethatwhentheEarthreachesthecriticalmassofpollution,itmaybetoolatetodoanythingaboutit.Thatwouldbea"commontragedy"indeed.COMMENTARYThisexcellentresponsedisplaysanin-depthanalysisoftheissueandsuperiorfacilitywithlanguage.Whileacknowledgingthatenvironmentalproblemsareseriousandofglobaldimensions,theessayexploresthecomplexityofinternationalcooperation.Suchcooperation,theessayargues,runsintoavarietyofproblems,andthewriterofferspersuasiveexamplestosupportthatpoint:--theunwillingnessofnationsto"interfere"withothernationsthroughpoliticalmeasuressuchasrestrictionofforeignaid--inadequateenvironmentalregulations,whicharecausedbothby"thedifferentialimpactofpollutingactivities"betweencountriesandregionsandbythedifficultyofcomparingthe"long-termeffectsofpollutingactivities"withthemoreeasilydocumented,short-termcostsofreducingpollution.Theessaydistinguishesitselfinpartbyitsexcellentorganization.Thefirstparagraphanalyzestheclaimandannouncesthewriter"sposition;thesecondandthirdparagraphsprovideclearexamplessupportingthatposition.Theskillfuluseofaquotationfromabusinesspersonvividlyillustratestheeconomicimpactofpollutioncontrols.Thelasttwoparagraphsbringasenseofclosuretotheessaybycontinuingthethemeannouncedinthefirstparagraph--thatcooperationmustwaituntilmoredirecircumstancesproducethepoliticalwillnecessarytoreducepollution.Theessayexhibitssuperiorcontrolofgrammarandsyntax,withonlyminorerrors.Transitionalphrases--"because,""however,""forinstance"--helpguidethereaderthroughtheargument.Also,effectivesentencevarietyandtheuseofprecisewordchoicehelpconfirmthescoreof6.第三部分：总结 1、开头模式开头模式第1篇背景演绎（现象=〉原因）=〉提出论证方向第2篇背景（暗示论证方向），提出观点第3篇分析题目，提出观点综上，开头段比较好的模式为：（1）首先引出背景，这里要善于利用各种修饰语如分词等形式，对于我们的后文论证线索进行暗示。目的是使读者看了开头大概就知道我们要在正文中写什么了，所以会充满期待的往下看。（2）然后要缩小范围，主要就是通过讨论他因、反驳意见等尽量的把与我们中心思想无关的内容在首段就隔离出去。方便后面的讨论。（3）再然后我们要适当的分析题目中的原文，并提出对原文的看法。这里很重要的一点就是，我们最终的态度最好不要直接支持，或者直接反对，这都会显得我们的态度过于简单！那么怎么办呢，从官方满分文章来看，应该另辟蹊径：就是说补充上一些信息后，提出自己的复杂的态度看法，同时如果能在提出自己的态度的同时在语言上能统领后面的所有正文段落就最好了。2、行文思路正文第1段正文第2段正文第3段正文第4段第1篇科技的优点科技的缺点作者眼中科技的本质N/A第2篇20世纪媒体促进了美国的社会变革16、17世纪媒体让人们了解真相N/AN/A第3篇关心但是缺少实际行动实际行动中的措施不够有力不能等到闹大了再采取行动，现在已经危了N/A我们看到，正文的论证层次都是很清楚的!综上，比较好的行文思路为：（1）首先进行分类讨论，应用到不同的领域不同的角度来看问题，在这8篇文章中有这么以下4种分类：a.优点和缺点，正反对比 b.不同的时期，时间对比c.不同的学科，领域对比（2）如果不去分类讨论，还有另一种办法可以代替分类讨论，那就是放缩。就像第三篇文章，作者通过不断的分析的缩小讨论的范围，目的就是找出问题的最核心的地方，然后再进行对此核心问题的论证，就像一个放大镜一样，通过段落之间的讨论逐步的找到最最关键的症结。这就使文章的精度！注：我们看到，（1）（2）这两种方案在一篇文章中要选择其一，如果时间多精力够的话可以都写那样最好。（3）在分类讨论或者放大完了之后，在文章的最后最好有一段：引入事物的本质的讨论以及作者观点的宣扬，这时可以抛开刚才的论证的束缚，而思考一些凌驾于层次之上的，深层次的东西。比如，比较常见的就是引伸到人性上，人性的光辉，或者，事物的本质。这最后一个论证段落是决定我们文章的档次的关键段落。因为在这一段作者的思想会显露无遗，作者淋漓尽致的提出了自己的看法让阅卷人看。这里就可以看出作者对于事物认识的深度。这就是文章的深度！3、结尾模式结尾模式第1篇观点，建议第2篇无结尾，没写完第3篇原文反对意见推缪从而暗示自己立场我们看到结尾段落都是要总结全文的观点的，实际上，在我眼中，比较好的结尾段模式是：首先，概括前面几段正文的论证的螺旋式上升的结果（这里要注意与开头段提出的论证方向对应上）然后，在结尾段还可以进一步上升，上升到些如人性方面上等，这就是最后的升华，这也在满分文章中很常见。4、正文段落例证来源 注：本表格式解释：（第一项是例子的来源；第二项是概括例子内容；第三项是作者引用例子时还有什么手法）第1个例子第2个例子第3个例子第4个例子第5个例子第1篇生活中常识；网络的便利；设问，排比生活中常识；灵魂缺失；反问，续延上例生活中常识；耕地；揭露本质N/AN/A第2篇时事事例；回归士兵；让步引出真正观点文化常识；早期无声电影名人；马丁路德金；引出其他类似事件，再得出对整个社会的影响N/AN/A第3篇时事事例；amazon；时事常识：长期影响的措施不力；引用他人语言说理证明时事常识；环境正在恶化；排比N/AN/A汇总后如下表：生活中常识身边人时事常识事例文化常识事例名人（1）在例子的选择方面：我把所有的例子分成了三大类，生活中-时事-文化，每一类中，常识代表的是这一类中所有人都知道的不用背的东西，事例和名人就是需要我们背下来才能写出来的东西。 （2）在语言方面，这里面用的比较亮点的修辞方法为：排比，可以增加文章的气势，尤其是当我们举的是一连串关联的延伸大例子时候；反问，让文章的语言很能抓住人，引人深思，更重要的是，常常我们通过反问来讲我们的思想融入问句中，这样就以一种强烈的方式表达了自己的思想；设问，先来个悬念再进行解答，使语言充满多样性，更重要的是使得文章有一种交流性气氛；比喻，让文章更为形象。以上几种方法可以有机的结合起来，比如排比的反问等，这样都会让文章增色不少。（3）在论证思路方面，有以下四种思路：a.例子本身是为了让步，所以在例子之后紧接着就引出作者真正的观点。b.举完例子之后进行深层次的探究，使得达到事物的本质。c.举完例子之后进行推广，可以推广到更大的范围，来达到普遍性的效果；如果例子本身是反面的，就通过推广引出不良后果，从而加重了例子的反面性。d.如果例子本身是反面的，我们就假设他是正面的情况会怎么样，这肯定是会带来好的结果的，从而引出作者的正面的观点。5、文章中心思想中心思想第1篇更好的平衡科技与生活第2篇媒体创造价值观第3篇环保问题要尽快合作以解决对于issue的中心思想，没有什么定式，但是有一点可以看出来，所有的中心思想都不是简单的同意或反对原题，而是在原题的基础之上，加入一些作者自己的思想，加入了一些原题所没有考虑到的东西，最终定出来的。所有说，这才叫所谓的复杂的态度。从立意方面，大的规律是：为了让我们生活的更美好，存在更有价值。6、字数字数第1篇529第2篇490第3篇433